I just watched a movie today with my mom. And whenever I see beautiful homes, I would imagine having the same one with a family of my own. It's easy for me to imagine a Life. Nothing is probably wrong with imagining things like these but what's wrong with me anyway is that i'm so consumed with imagining that, that I would say to myself afterwards that I would never have it. You know why? Because I don't have that someone yet. So anyway, that was the problem. My time and my thoughts are too consumed by these beautiful future things that I don't have. Silly me, I haven't realized that it's the future that's why I don't have it yet. I realized that just now! Funny... I remembered a friend telling me that, having a family shouldn't be considered as a dream because it just happens. But being the romantic, I always say to myself that having a family of your own would be a blessing and a gift from God, I consider it more like a miracle. It's not something that just happens like it's something that would come, normally. I don't consider it that way. I want it too much.
The thing is right now, with my new kind of thinking (the quiet your mind thing) i don't think of it at all. What I think about is my present. What I have now. A while ago in the movie, yes, my mind was wandering again, imagining a husband and children, but I immediately stopped myself before self-pity arrived. I immediately got hold of my thoughts and changed its course. So I reverted the focus of my mind back to the movie. And I was glad. :)
I used to be present physically in the moment but honestly, my mind is wandering somewhere else. I actually wrote this line before in a journal: I am never in the present. I am always in the past and in the future. Which is totally not getting me anywhere. You might get sick of me for praising meditation and yoga again, but it's true. It helped me and would continue to help me.
After watching the movie while waiting for my mom, I saved this message in my phone so that I wouldn't forget to blog about this experience.
I know what my problem is, I think of the future too much when it is still unknown.True right? Anyway, I'm better now. :)
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